It is Saturday and I am so excited to be posting again. I am really falling in love with my blog again and this is all thanks to the wonderful support I have been receiving from you all! I am so grateful for this. I really love all the comments you leave on my social media and the feedback really makes it all worth it.
While on that note, I was recently scrolling through one of my blog posts and amidst all the lovely comments, I had a very negative one which made me question myself as a blogger, as a person who loves fashion, my body’s current shape, my weight gain etc. It honestly ruined my mood for that evening and it came from someone I really enjoyed following in the blogging world. While blogging brings a lot of positives, sometimes you do get the random unexpected negative comment. It made me think a lot about how much many women struggle with self-confidence and feel very insecure about themselves because of such comments. It is not to say that people are not entitled to their opinions (and let’s be honest, having a blog or being on a public platform can, in some ways, make one an easy target to negative comments lol), but I really believe that because of some of these opinions, many women find themselves with either a poor image of themselves or trying to live up to the unrealistic expectations of modern society.
I shared a story in my very first blog in 2012 about my experiences growing up with eczema and this story I shared focused on how my eczema has really affected my confidence especially because of how people responded to it. For starter’s my complexion is not as even because of it so you will find that my face is pretty light and my legs (where the eczema is/was) are another shade. Lol. That bothers me so much because can my body just decide to be one tone already. I will be honest, I now have a slightly darker foundation for my face and the fact that I have this shows just how insecure I am about this aspect of my body. I still have eczema on my hands and that too bothers me to the extent that I don’t wear nail polish so much because I feel it does not look good on me… You may not have such insecurities but maybe you have experienced something in your life that made you feel insecure about yourself or you may know people who have insecurities about various aspects of themselves. Now the question is what is the most common source of such insecurities?
These insecurities we have as adult women, do not just exist in us as adults but a lot of them begin when we are young girls. We may also grow up noticing our mothers’ insecurities and some of these may get passed on to us. As we grow up and have many people pass their entitled opinions towards us or to someone else, these insecurities build up and suddenly we shape our lives and lifestyles to accommodate these comments. So if you are part of the majority of women with insecurities about themselves and somebody told you that because of your body’s size, you could not wear a particular item of clothing, you may stop wearing that item completely based on that one opinion. Maybe this comment was passed on to someone else who had a similar body size to yours and you began to apply it to your own life. Or if somebody told you your laugh is too unlady-like and then you suddenly feel the need to YouTube lady-like ways of laughing when something is hectically funny. A friend of mine once told me that because I now had a blog I needed to start exercising to get rid of my cellulite, now up until that point I was not aware I had cellulite, I had never bothered to notice. It was something my eyes did not see. Suddenly I was aware of it. A little too aware of it. I was buying creams which I hoped would reduce its appearance and googling all the ways to remove it. You will never catch me in a bikini. I do not own one. Till this day, 4 years later, I am still looking for ways to reduce my cellulite. I am however, very grateful that I am now more aware of the fact that exercise is the best answer lol. I won’t even begin on the negative comments on my hair. I could write a book on that. Unfortunately, no matter how small the comment passed, it all counts.
My point is not for people to begin to pass empty compliments (not the now so common, ‘Girl your hairstyle is sooooo nice! Where did you get it done?‘ when you really cannot understand what could possibly have encouraged her to get that hairstyle and you want the details of her hairdresser so you can make sure you avoid that salon at all costs), but for us to get into the habit of rather commenting on something positive instead of the negatives which I believe we are now unintentionally programmed to focus more on. If you notice that somebody’s tastes in clothing are not to your liking but you see that they have a wonderful smile, why not focus on that beautiful thing and have them feel beautiful that day and for many more other days because of that seemingly small compliment? There should be a greater focus on making people feel good about who they are, no matter their imperfections rather than having a magnifying glass to over-emphasise their imperfections.
The same way people feel entitled to pass rude comments should be the same way we should feel entitled to pass a compliment. You should feel ill for leaving a conversation without complimenting the person you are talking too (I am exaggerating here). But it needs to be something women should get more used to doing for each other.
Now I won’t play saint and say that I have never passed a comment that I was not particularly proud of but I will testify to how much more happier I am when I am made more aware of the positive aspects of myself that I was not aware of.
So maybe this should be a challenge to us all, we may not be able to fully correct and erase some of the comments passed to us and to those we love by us or others but:
Let’s help create a breed of young girls (and boys) who are unapologetically confident in themselves.
Top- Foschini- R150
Skirt- Mr P – +/- R120
Boots- Cotton On – R300